I want to text my rapist. I want him to know what he did. He bad mouthed me for so long, threatened to embarrass me, called me horrible things, and I never stood up to him. I never told him he was the disgusting one, not me.
He’s ruined my life since then. I’ve lived paranoid and afraid since that night. I have a fucking rape whistle on my keychain. I can’t walk alone at night. I can’t be alone period. I can’t even drink without him creeping into my thoughts. Without feeling like it’s going to happen again. Without replaying it in my head. I can’t even remember most of it just the helplessness. Sometimes I’ll be sitting and I get this spine-chilling feeling like he’s there. Like I felt that night.
I know he will want to retaliate. He’ll probably text everyone about it, but at this point, I’m ready to deal with that. Nothing is worse than what I’ve already dealt with.
The not eating
Nothing can be worse than all of that.